By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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