probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
