my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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