gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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