and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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