he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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