Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
