You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
