Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
