I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
