I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
vagina is talking i cant
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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