Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well I just put wine in my tea
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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