Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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