i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
