How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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