It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
