There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
