the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
