Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
