I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
