OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
