you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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