how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
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