Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
