Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
