People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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