So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
