There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
