in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
