It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
