I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
