I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
