Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
