I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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