The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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