She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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