Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
