I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
