so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
