My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
