Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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