Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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