No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
