she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
