He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
