If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
