im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
