If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
