He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
