nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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