tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
