i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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