so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
