Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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