Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
