i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
