I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
